Mon, 5/4/09: ~ 3 miles. Triked to Meijer to drop off scripts, then stopped by local gym. PT seems to be planting the seed that in a few months I will transition to individual therapy w/ a personal trainer, through a gym. Since the gym was between me and Meijer I stopped in for a visit. I've been advised to get a couple gym options so that I can compare my needs when presenting my research to my insurance company. I don't anticipate problems, but tonight, my nurse case manager (ncm) popped into my head being puzzled by the outcome of a recent script for a coccyx pillow. In this dialogue in my head, she didn't realize I'd need two types of pillows and wondered if that was excessive. In my head, I repeated the conversation I had w/ the order clerk at the home care supply business. Then, it hit me, I'm beginning to feel some anger. Anger, b/c, I may have to justify how one cushion does not fit all seats and sitting needs. For the rest of my life, I imagine I'll be in one conversation or another, advocating for my needs. What a reprieve it will be when Christ advocates for me b/f The Father and I won't have to. I need to think about this more. Any comments??

Somehow I always keep thinking I'll fully recover. I have recovered so much, more than expected from a medical standpoint. This afternoon, a formerly quiet space inside me roared up and asserted an acknowledgement that I won't easily go down. Today (& hopefully, tomorrow, I'll have the energy to advocate for myself again. Today's "deal" was only in my head, but that's a tip off that some confrontation is heading my way and I feel prepared.

Oh, GOD whispered her name to me this morning while out triking. I did a double take and questioned GOD what was happening, when all Iwas hearing was the single word, "whisper". Well, I was completely alone, on my trike and no one to speak to, let alone, whisper to. After a few more pedal pushes, I saw her in my Element and GOD again said "whisper". Now I know her name. Her name is "Whisper". Ironic, isn't it since she is a lion? It fits. I'm sure I'll learn more about how this fits. Wouldn't you know that as soon as I ask the question the answers begin appearing. I've been a loud lion in my life. Since this accident, my voice fades into a whisper as I tire, feel anxious, fearful, vulnerable, etc. I am still a lion in my heart. Now I am the kind that can lie down w/ a mouse and care for each other.

I'm typing this under the influence of sleep med. I had much energy today and started many tasks. I'm planning to complete these tasks tomorrow. As long as the energy holds out.
Blessings Abound!
~A~