Wed, 04/08/09 - The weather & sky were absolutely perfect today. At least for a MI spring day: 50's & sunny!

After 2 1/2 hrs of physical therapy (indoors) I couldn't tolerate staying inside when I came home today. A transportation company carts me to/from therapy appts which are 40 minutes from my house. That will end soon as I will have another set of wheels in a few days. It's been 15 months since I last drove. Yep, I am a bit anxious. Not about my driving skills. About other people. Like the man who crossed the center line and hit me head-on. People in a hurry. Not paying attention. Being distracted. Being careless. I've been having dreams (night & day) about being hit while riding my trike or driving my vehicle (I'll tell you what it is when I take possession of it). I know this is a symptom of PTSD. I'm dealing with it - the dreams are in relationship to being vulnerable (again) as a driver. Being a Counselor tends to complicate my emotional/mental health recovery. You'd think there would be the opposite effect. But, you know medical doctors think they can heal themselves, too :-) A nurse treats him/herself vs going to a dr. Cslrs are not much different. However, I am seeing a neuropsychologist 1-2 times each month, so I am taking care of myself! Plus, I'm taking meds to orchestrate neurochemistry balance in my brain (TBI). Initially, I tend to deny that I'm affected emotionally. I have been dealing w/ the grief & loss matters; and continue to.

Back to getting out in that sunshine today. I triked to my bank (accomplishing an errand always helps me get motivated to get out and exercise: two birds w/ one stone). The bank is 1/2 way to the house of an elderly friend, who, I found out yesterday, had knee replacement surgery recently. She's been in my thoughts so I decided to go see her. She is struggling w/ nausea, but her knee is doing quite well. Then I triked for pleasure through neighborhoods I haven't seen in over a year. It's amazing that one can live in the same town for many years and not see parts of the town for too long of a time. Well, my excuse has validity. This time.

The fowl were a plenty on this jaunt. A river runs through our town. Near one traffic bridge there is a dam. In the past year, the water has been returning to former levels providing terrific habitat for wildlife. A few "islands" remain in the river above the dam. A congregation (of fowl) was assembling on a larger island. A couple (2 fowl) on a neighboring island either left the meeting early or boycotted it. They looked odd standing off alone on their own island. I certainly know what it's like to be on my own island away from the support and camaraderie of neighbors. I bet we've all been in that position a few times in our lives. Isn't it amazing what we can think about if we just slow down and listen to our own thoughts. Maybe that's why I stayed so busy up until this accident. Maybe that's why I work harder in recovering so I can cover up much of the chatter in my heart. Running provided the time & space for me to listen to GOD; to listen to my heart in connecting w/ GOD. Triking is taking me there now. I love it! I preferred running alone so I could have uninterrupted spiritual communion w/ GOD. I "learned" to run w/ a local club. They taught me a lot. They taught me to run road races and marathons. I learned the basics and moved my running up a notch to enhance a connection with nature. Some run to get better and win races. Some run to obtain a Boston invite. I ran to eat & be "at one" w/ GOD. To be atoned. To atone.

That's another quirk of mine -- determining purpose of words and word arrangement. To play with words and re-think words. "Say what you mean and mean what you say." Take time to communicate as clearly as possible. For those in close relationship w/ me, this frustrates the life out of them.

I overdid the exercise today. The right half of my body is whining. I got out my platform walker tonight to assist in ambulating around the house -can't put pressure on my right foot. Lesson learned the hard way (IS there another way???): trike less the day of physical therapy :-)

I love hearing from you. I'm grateful we're on this journey (of life) together...

Blessings abound!!
~A~