07/28/09: 9+ miles. No pics. Pedaled hard, sweated a lot. MANY dogs out w/ their owners tonight; all well behaved. Rode w/ J; today she brought home a new puppy of 6 wks and 2 days. J's 10 yo daughter named the puppy, Poochy (something Glory). Cute puppy. I do not have time in my life to care for a perpetual 2 yo "child". Animals never grow into caring for themselves. I don't buy arguments that cats come close. Close, but still no cigar. My kids wanted pets as they were growing up. Knowing that I'd become the caretaker for any pets I inquired whether they would like for us to afford snacks or pet food. They always opted for snacks. Whew! As they became teens and wanted pets I replied that their siblings were like pets - take them out for a walk. I know they each will have pets in their adult lives. And then they'll understand the position I held while they were young. I've told them that I'll gladly attend any of their therapy sessions where they want to tell me how I ruined their lives by not giving them pets as kids.

Sweat is good. Menopausal sweat is like a geyser spewing out of every pore of my skin! I cannot get the temp cool enough tonight. This too shall pass :-)

Today was a busy day. Took a pair of shoes to get a lift placed on the bottom. Repairman was out sick. They told me to return tomorrow. Took another pair of shoes to the hospital that places lifts onto shoes. Insurance pays for a specific number of shoes. No more than that specified # of shoes. Any more that I want modified I have to pay on my own. The repairman place is ~ $25 less than the hospital based place. He wins my personal business.

Living life well involves making difficult decisions. Unpopular decisions. I've never been amenable to popularity contests. I bow out. I do what I believe is the right thing b/c it is the right thing. Not because of what others want to manipulate or persuade me to do b/c it is convenient for them. Well, this morning I gave it to my insurance claims adjustor over a matter. Not a life or death matter. In retrospect, I am choosing to believe that this "giving in" on my end will ultimately benefit me. I will remind her, when necessary, that I conceded to her on this circumstance. She will not play w/ me and bend the laws of what I'm entitled to b/c I faithfully paid my auto insurance.

Remember, if anyone is reading this, the premise of this blog was to hold myself accountable in this journey of healing/recovery. The physical healing is "simple" compared to the mental, psychological, emotional healing aspects. Taking a pill reduces &/or eliminates physical pain. I haven't yet found a pill that reduces &/or eliminates the spiritual pain & suffering. I told someone this afternoon that I am grateful that GOD allows events into my life that keeps me desperately dependent upon GOD and GOD alone. I choose to remain in the "shadow" of the Lord GOD, Almighty (Psalm 91:1). If I remain in the shadow, 1) I am protected; 2) I don't run ahead of GOD and "fix" things, I wait to move with GOD; and 3) nothing comes out of my mouth or life that hasn't been covered & authorized by GOD. I'm living life in the shadow, not hiding, but rather abiding.

Good night!
Blessings Abound!
~A~

07/27/09 - It's been over a week since I last triked. We've had several storm fronts go through our area; never know when it's going to rain. Wouldn't you know? While I was on the return to home........

........ rain droplets began to fall. Not too bad; certainly didn't get wet. I love the colors of the flowers in my yard. Rich, deep colors.


Perhaps you've heard the news: We (our town) get to keep "our" lady........... for $3,800. She remains on her perch by the river.


I don't know these people, but I envy them. Running is such good exercise. It strengthens the whole body, works fat off the whole body, allows you to eat any & all you want w/o regard to gaining weight/fat. I always felt refreshed after a run. Nearly always dreaded getting out there to run, but after a mile I was glad I'd made the effort.

Triking is terrific, but it doesn't provide the complete body workout. I miss that. Even though I work hard in PT and pedal hard while triking, something is missing. Haven't put my finger on it yet. As a runner, people didn't comment on how much fun I was having as we passed each other. In fact, people didn't talk to me as a runner. I wasn't even really looking at people when I ran. They were obstacles to maneuver around so I could complete the course. If anyone smiled at me I rarely noticed b/c I was so absorbed in my own thoughts (almost to one mile, can't stop now, dessert later, 1/2 way done, on the home stretch, I hope I remember to do whatever when I get back home, etc). I notice people while triking. Maybe b/c I don't want to hit them or them to fall on top of me or step into my way. I am so low to the ground we could easily get into each other's space. Perhaps b/c I'm low to the ground I'm constantly looking up to make eye contact so we don't harm each other. People always smile when they see this contraption approach. Little kids stop & stare. They literally stop. Sometimes w/ their parent(s) nearly riding over them or falling over them. We notice each other, sometimes stop and chat, nearly always share positive comments.

I'm not really sure what the life lesson is here (my brain is full and I want a break -- nah, I take that back; I've had enough BREAKS). Perhaps that by being more grounded I'm able to make solid connections w/ others. More than "passing on your left" as when running. Some people don't know what that means - they step to their left, right into my path. Back in early Jan 08 I was praying for "a break". Life was utterly insane. I was taking 2 classes in GR: Organic Bio/Chem and Human Genetics. These were the last 2 pre-reqs I needed to admit into the 2nd degree accelerated BSN program. I was also teaching 2 graduate counseling classes at another U in GR. Plus, I was maintaining a full private practice. And keeping up w/all 3 of my kids' college lives/events. I had just witnessed little piggies get castrated. Life was full. Maybe even overflowing. I was sincere in asking GOD for "a break". I never envisioned that GOD would bless me w/ so many "breaks". Not only did my body incur 35+ broken bones, but I have been "off work" for 18+ months now. Life doesn't get any better, right? How have I found such favor from my GOD? The past 18+ mos have been a long healing process (in more ways than physical). I do believe GOD has blessed me w/ a break. An opportunity to take a break from the insane life I was creating. An opportunity to cherish what matters most. An opportunity to be desperate for GOD and GOD alone. That's all that matters. Getting so low to the ground (triking) that I have to constantly depend on provisions from Above.

Blessings Abound!

~A~

07/21/09: 6 miles; cut short by rain.

I rode to J's house to "pick her up" for a ride along the trail. We engaged in so much conversation that I never thot to take one picture. We were going to ride farther, but the rain finally began to drop faster and faster out of the sky. We took a short cut to my house hurriedly putting her bicycle in my Element & my trike in the garage. Then we decided to go inside and visit for a while longer. Our hearts enjoyed this exercise. We got a full body work-out this evening.

I don't know why GOD allows paths to journey alongside each other for merely a season vs a lifetime, but I'm totally grateful for the season. I know that journeying alongside is a major part of GOD's reason (like, who am I to question why GOD does or allows anything? GOD is GOD and that's all that matters.). We can edify and encourage and exhort each other along the journey. I am awed by the depth of love GOD bestows on me. Even in HIS chastisement I've grown to feel loved. I couldn't see the love part of that as a child when I was disciplined. I'm grateful that my parents loved GOD enough and had the foresight to discipline me so that I grew to know, love, & follow Christ. My friend, J, provided respite for my weary soul tonight.

Today was one of those days when the weather (barometric pressure, to be precise) demanded that I take a "big" pill (literally it is quite small but powerfully big in relief). This happened last week, also, when a storm moved through. Today, while in the car, I was in conversation w/ my daughter (who was driving, thankfully) and could not focus of what we were discussing b/c all I could think was "go away pain, go away pain". The pressure around me seemed to prevent me from breathing and I was aware that I was drawing my body into a protective position (curling my shoulders inward and pulling my legs up closer and tighter - sort of like a sitting up fetal position). Somewhere in this self-absorbed awareness (all outside sounds became muffled) I garnered the wherewithall to state out loud that I needed to take a pain pill. Then I snapped out of this bodily retreat to find a pill. Within moments I felt normal (those who know me well, please don't laugh at me while I'm so vulnerable sharing this intimate experience) and able to engage in conversation again. There, now the vulnerable part is over so you can laugh away :-)

I'm not sure if this level of experience means anything other than I'm terribly grateful for drugs. I'll discuss it w/ my neuropsychologist and family dr at the upcoming appts. Last week, I thought that sensation was odd. Now that it's happened again, perhaps it isn't odd, but merely normal at this stage. Sometimes it seems like all the hospital drugs aren't completely out of my system. I don't feel like I have complete control over my thinking yet; kind of like amnesia, as I would think amnesia would manifest. Like the world is happening around me and I can't interact w/ it - I'm not fully awake to interact w/ it; more like an out of body (mind) sensation. I think amnesia has more to do w/ loss of memory; it's more like stunned, paralyzed memory. I don't know how else to describe this. The rat is running around the maze but it is hypnotized (tranced) and dizzy. It doesn't happen all the time, but enough times that I'm beginning to notice a pattern. Maybe this is as good as it's gonna get. Maybe there's something I can do to prevent this. I guess I need to look for a pattern of precipitation.

Rambling. I love my trike and having the ability to get outside on it.

Blessings Abound!
~A~

PS: the Indy ride was 8 miles, not 10. It seemed like 10 long miles.

Sun, 07/19/09 - I think 10 miles. I forgot to check the ending miles when we returned today. Starting mile was 236. We (son, d-i-l, dog, & me) had a great day outside. Son & I rode to the canal, which is in downtown Indy. We met d-i-l & dog there for a walk. I triked while they all walked. Many people were out enjoying the weather. Skies were heavily overcast and just as we returned back to the house, rain began slowly falling.



This son attends IUPUI (they pronounce it ou (as in the you sound) - ee - pou (again: you)- ee. Not the way it is "spelled" - i - ou- pou- i. He & I rode around campus after his wife & dog returned home. There was a professional tennis championship event happening on campus - we rode around the courts. Son said he thinks he saw Danica Patrik at his gym during the recent Indy 500. He's played basketball w/ Michael Bolton and his former room-mate played basketball w/ Obama. This campus is in the downtown area of Indy. Very impressive.



This is the bldg where this son spends his days and partial nights. Two more years of here, then he's off to wherever the AirForce sends him. I admire his perseverance and dedication to his program of study.

Here's the "family picture" w/ the Indy skyline in the background.

Life is difficult from time to time. Sometimes life outright stinks. And sometimes life is magnificent. Today I longed for "home" more than I have recently. I just wanna "be there". No more pain. No more tears. No more separation. We'll be there. In the presence of GOD for eternity.

I will drive back to my house tomorrow, stopping in GR for PT. This is a long drive. I had to stop and nap on the drive down. This is not typical pre-accident. I could make a 12 hr trip w/ maybe one bathroom/eating stop. Taking a 4 hr trip was a challenge on Friday. I also saw an auto accident before emergency vehicles were on the scene. A car was in the median of a 4-6 lane highway w/a completely smashed in driver door. Then all the sirens showed up on the interstate. My heart breaks w/ compassion for the responders. All I wanted to do was get far away. Perhaps someday I won't wail w/ grief when I pass an accident. Second thought, perhaps we all should wail w/ grief when we see an accident. I used to be desensitized to this type of scene. Just a quick prayer for safety (too late!) & comfort (for the victim?) and I was on my way to the next thing I had to do. I felt rather "good" about myself for pausing to utter a quick prayer. Now I weep for the loved ones of the victims. Their lives are getting turned upside down and they don't even know it yet. The police responding to my accident called my Dad first. I don't know how they knew to call him. Why not my family in my State? My Dad gave the police my husband's number. My husband called our kids. I was already at the hospital before any of them knew. Their lives were being set into a swirl of great magnitude before they even knew it. I couldn't help them. Any of them. When an accident occurs, lives are changed. Many lives. In many ways. A prayer for safety and comfort is nice. But, now I choose to pray that those affected will become desperate for the Giver of Life to give them Life. Real Life. Comfort & safety do not compare to receiving REAL LIFE. Even though my living is fraught w/ pain of many kinds, as is most people's, I experience REAL LIFE in the midst of it all. There is hope that all our lives will reach out in desperation for the only Source of Life while living here.

Blessings Abound!

~A~

Sat, 07/18/09: Barely 2.5 miles. We got off to a great start. I'm in Indy w/ my oldest son & daughter-in-law. The plan was to ride along Indy's rails-to-trails path. Rode city sidewalks for ~ 1/2 mile to a trail entrance.





My front left tire felt like it wasn't riding correctly. I stopped and sure enough, it wasn't correct. Not only was the tire flat, but we pulled out a small chunk of glass. My guess is that it came from GR yesterday (remember all that glass along the roads?) Son rode back to his house and brought his truck to pick up me and my bike. Then we met his wife back at their house before heading off to a bike repair shop with the trike in my Element. Shop dude said he pulled out a couple more pieces of glass. A few dollars later, my trike is ready to go again. Running is immensely cheaper!

I neglected rotating this pic before posting. This is my sitting on my trike in the back of my Element going to/from bike shop (very close to son's residence). I felt like Granny on the Beverly Hillbillies show - on her rocking chair on the back of their jalopy.

Perhaps we'll go for another ride tomorrow. Perhaps a longer ride.

Blessings Abound!

~A~

07/17/09: Today marked the 1-yr anniversary of my engaging in OT & PT @ OAM in GR. For the first 3 1/2 months after I returned home from the hospitals, I attended therapies in my residential town. That was a terrific place to begin. By going to GR, I get to work w/ more therapists and use more equipment.

UHAUL installed a hitch onto my Element this morning (8:30 appt). While that happened I triked to PT, which was 6.25 miles away one way). MUCH broken glass along the way and probably more cigarette butts.



I will take you on a tour @ OAM for just a moment: the front doors automatically open and either warm you up or cool you down, whichever is the opposite of the outside temp.

I rode my trike right into the bldg - no bike racks were found outside. I continued on through the bldg to the elevator. PT is on the lower level.

Right outside the elevators on the 1st floor is this beautiful staircase under sky lights. My hand specialist is on the top level. My neck/spine & foot/ankle specialists are on the 1st floor. My chief orthopaedic trauma specialist has an office downtown connected right to the hospital. My physiatrist's office is in the downtown area at another hospital. Ny neuropsychologist & psychiatrist are in a bldg behind where I formerly taught graduate counseling classes @ a satellite office in GR (pic will be farther down this entry).

Traveling from UHAUL to OAM and back required riding on two ultra busy roads. Fortunately, there is a huge, elevated shoulder along both sides of the Beltline. I had an entire "lane" to myself. People were kind and patient at intersections. I made sure to follow traffic rules and to secure eye contact and wave to vehicle drivers before crossing any intersections. I triked through W MI's busiest intersection: Beltline & 28th St. I had to enter the middle turn lane to cross the opposing traffic lane to return back to the UHAUL base. People were generous in giving me space and time to cross lanes. Recently, I purchased a trike rack so it can connect into the hitch. Then I'll be able to have both back seats in my Element and transport my trike on the outside. I'm at my older son & daughter-in-law's house this weekend in Indy. He will help me assemble the rack and learn to attach it to the hitch. (BTW, the 3 of us will ride sometime this wkend -- more blogging to come)

Can you see the dark clouds (pic below)? We've been promised thunderstorms for a few days. The barometric pressure must have been bouncing around today. When my teeth and head begin hurting I know to bring out & swallow the big guns. Actually, it is a very tiny, yet potent pill. I've chosen to keep it in my system; my body warns me when it's wearing out.

Here's the bldg where I use to teach. Behind this bldg is the place where neuro guys work.

Across the street from the brown bldg, as I called it, is the city limit sign . . .

. . . and the Calvin College sign. My camera battery died right before I could take a picture of the walkway over the highway. Calvin is a beautiful campus.

I was astounded by the plethora of cigarette butts on the sides of the roads. I expected some broken glass, but there was more than anticipated. I thot clean up crews managed that after a crash. I had no idea how many cigarette butts are discarded, w/o concern, out the window. Sad.

I missed seeing all the great colorful vegetation of my usual triking grounds. Occasionally, a wild flower forced itself to grow, causing me to smile at its determination to live.

Beautiful life can appear from cracks in hardened "soil". Underneath the hardened exterior has to be soft soil in order for the beauty to grow. That soft, fertile soil is inside each of us. Life wants to grow and produce beauty. So many things can interfere w/ that process. Toxins, poisons, strangulations of various kinds. Sometimes I face good struggles in making a choice to grow in spite of whatever gets thrown my way. Sometimes I throw garbage into my own life (over-eating, eating the wrong kinds of things, allowing the king of lies to tempt me into false beliefs about my abilities, etc). I guess things aren't always what they seem. Or just because someone hangs out with the "crack ups" doesn't mean they are a crack up. Who knows what beauty may burst forth.

Blessings Abound!

~A~

Flowers from J - grown in her friendship garden. She honored my love for daisies. Aren't they spectacular??!


One of the entries onto the trail I love. Fred Meijer is a mighty, mighty man in our neck of the woods. He uses his almighty dollars to make places beautiful and healthy.

The quarter in the road.

07/14/09: 8.5+ miles. An interesting day w/ my trike.

I did actually trike on 7/14, but am a day or so late recording the event. For many reasons. One, I was non-stop on the go via some form of transportation w/ errands & appts. Two, I fell asleep b/f typing. Tues morning I awakened w/ my glasses underneath me in my bed, in perfect condition. Odd, b/c sometimes I can just clean a lens and it will pop out. Wed morning I awakened to my cell phone being in my bed. I guess I'm falling asleep hard & fast.

While in PT, I rec'd a voice msg from Chaplain Dave w/ the fire department, which assisted in my rescue. After a warm conversation he invited me to the fire dept mtg later this week to meet the persons who were "there". I initiated this invitation a few weeks ago and am honored they are inviting me.

On the way home from PT I saw the man who lives in the red house just a few feet from the scene of the accident. ~ Two wks ago I saw him walking down the driveway from his mailbox and told myself that if I saw him outside again I was gonna muster up my courage and introduce myself to him. Well, there he was. Walking back to his house from the mailbox again. I turned into his drive, rolled down my window, introduced myself and asked if he remembered the accident from 01/22/08. He absolutely did. He aided the rescue workers by managing traffic until the police arrived to set up a detour. ((Aside: my younger son was 10-15 minutes traveling behind me on this same road. He was one of the first vehicles to be re-routed along the detour. I'm so thankful he was not one of the cars that passed by the scene. He told me later that he was thinking about calling me around the time of the accident to let me know he was on the road with me somewhere. I was returning from a class in GR; he was traveling to our town from GR; he usually called me to inform me of his ETA. For "some reason" he did not call me that morning. He struggled w/ guilt over not being there for me. This son o' mine was there continuously for me in the hospital. He picked my nose for me when I couldn't. He fed food to me. He kissed my feet.)) Back to the 72 yr old man. Yesterday was his birthday; I sang "Happy Birthday, Dear Vernon" to him. He was glad to know I became okay. He said I was in bad shape & the rescue workers were very concerned for me. I still cannot comprehend what happened & how my body survived. Much of me died in that accident. And that's not necessarily a bad thing.

While the oil, etc was being changed in my vehicle, I took off on my trike, planning for just a short trip since the oil changing place was not busy. Well, once I got a taste of 26.2 mph going down hill by the golf course I was hooked. I wanted to go farther and faster. Most of this trike I stayed in the 3rd big gear (gear #s in the low 20's). I wanted to work my legs as hard as they could tolerate. Plenty of people were out biking, walking, walking dogs - why doesn't anyone walk a cat? Ended up taking the truck route back to the apts behind the HS, returning to the oil changing place. Great workout! Near the HS there is a quarter melted into the pavement. Often while running I'd check to make sure the quarter was still there. It was a landmark feature.

I enJOYed linner (lunch-dinner) w/ a frd, J. She brought the fabulous flowers pictured at the top. I am a blessed person to have such wonderful friends, like J. Thanks, again for the company and take home souvenir :-) I took them into Subway and sat them on the table. Our table was the only one decorated w/ flowers.

I am exhausted. I'm in the final weeks of wrapping things up at the homestead to go south for a few months. I am taking my trike w/ me! And I'll be exploring totally new areas on three wheels. I am eager to get there, which will mean details here have been finished. This is not a permanent move - just for a semester. I'll be closer to family (and "old" friends) which will allow me to participate in their world and celebrations for a few months. And I'll be teaching a class at my undergrad alma mater. This will be exciting. We are calling it a "work re-entry trial". I anticipate much support and feedback to help me get back on my feet :-) Anything that happens will be great!

Blessings Abound!

~A~